Jun 03 2009
You left me far behind.
A lot of my issues in life come from the fact that my father is a drug addict. He is addicted to crack. He wasn’t always this way. Maybe it’d be better if he had been. That way I wouldn’t have this image of what he used to be and what he is truly capable of. Then I wouldn’t have expectations. I wouldn’t be so hurt. I have been so effected by his addiction that I refuse to even smoke pot. Anything that can be addictive, I avoid. I only drink once or twice per year. If someone I love mentions using any kind of drug or alcohol, I freak out on them. I cringe at the thought of losing someone else to addiction. This song is one that reminds me of my father. One of many. It kind of symbolizes what our relationship has become. To me, it talks about what the drug addiction did to him, and consequently, my closing myself off to him (which hurts him deeply). I am angry and hurt over him leaving me behind for drugs. There is a lot of rage and resentment there. He knows that and it hurts him, I guess not enough to make him change. I have avoided him, because looking at him is painful. He looks bad, like the typical drug addict. Sometimes my mom tells me I should have something to do with him because maybe that might help him, but I don’t know if that would be enough. Also, the line, “Now maybe I could have made my own mistakes, But I live with what I’ve known” really hits me hard. Because I have his example of what addiction can do to a good person and I refuse to do anything experimental. I don’t make typical wreckless mistakes like most people my age do, because of him. I am almost terrifed of life at all.There are so many parts of this song that represent what I feel:
Far Behind- Candlebox
Now maybe
I didn’t mean to treat you bad
But I did it anyway
And then maybe
Some would say your life was sad
But you lived it anyway
And so maybe
Your friends they stand around they watch you crumble
As you falter down to the ground
And then someday
Your friends they stand beside as you were flying
Oh you were flying oh so high
But then someday people look at you for what they call their own
They watch you suffer
Yeah they hear you calling home
And then some day we could take our time
To brush the leaves aside so you can reach us
But you left me far behind
Now maybe
I didn’t mean to treat you oh so bad
But I did it anyway
Now maybe some would say you’re left with what you had
But you couldn’t share the pain
No, no, no
Couldn’t share the pain, they watch you suffer
Now maybe I could have made my own mistakes
But I live with what I’ve known
And then maybe we might share in something rare
But won’t you look at where we’ve grown
Won’t you look at where we’ve gone
But then someday comes
Tomorrow holds a sense of what I feel for you in my mind
As you trip the final line
And that cold day when you lost control
Shame you left my life so soon you should have told me
But you left me far behind
Now maybe I didn’t mean to treat you oh so bad
But I did it anyway
Now maybe some would say you’re left with what you had
But you couldn’t share the pain No, no, no
Now maybe I didn’t mean to treat you oh so bad
But I did it anyway
Now maybe baby some would say you’re left with what you had
But you couldn’t share the pain
I said times have changed your friends
They come and watch you crumble to the ground
They watch you suffer
Yeah, they hold you down
Hold you down
Now maybe oh oh, maybe
I didn’t mean to treat you bad
But you left me far behind
Left me far behind
Left me far behind
